It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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