my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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