I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
