just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
