Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
