barbara walters just said penis...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
