Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
