Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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