My hand turned me down
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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