my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
