About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
