I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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