you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
