oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
