I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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