Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
