did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
