Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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