if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My pussy is not your playground.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
