watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
