Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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