3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
