i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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