Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
