why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
