No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
