you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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