True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
