In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
