I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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