Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
