Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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