Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
