My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
