I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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