I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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