his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
