Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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