spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
