I hate all girls vehemently.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
