Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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