I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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