She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
