..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
