My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
