i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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