HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
