I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
