The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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