The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
