grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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