So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
