But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
