He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
