I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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