I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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