you guys were way drunker than both of me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
