My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
