Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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