Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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